i want to blog but i dont know where to start. i shall just blog whatever that i remember over the past week.

i was working from monday to saturday last week. and on tuesday i saw a guy propose to his girlfriend after their meal. the guy went down on his knees with the ring in his hand! i went omg and grabbed my friend's arms! couldnt hear what he said, but the girl nodded her head! i have never seen a real life proposal and it was exciting! it was sudden and the girl was obviously shocked, and she was smiling and laughing, darn happy.

even when i was standing at the bar counter, just looking at these taking place, i could feel her happiness and i was smiling too! it's just happy seeing such happy things isnt it? i went to the toliet and when i came back 10 minutes later, she was still smiling widely with her hands still on her mouth, obviously still in shock. lols.

i was telling my friend that guy has got no chung yi! lols. al dente (the place i work at) is alrdy such a romantic place. rooftop dining with dim orange lights, candles on the table, facing the sea with such a beautiful view of the fullerton hotel, maybank etc. he should have made it even more romantic lah. since he is alrdy paying so much for the food and service, (the food there is damn expensive lah! one plate of pasta is 28 bucks, plus 16%, go calculate yourself) he should have done smth better like placing the ring in the cake or ice cream, and when the girl eats it, she'll find the ring ah! isnt it so sweet? lols.

i told my friend i want to be proposed. lols. i wanna get married! i want to love! and he told me he will tell steven. i gave him the dots face, and he said if steven isnt good, then brendon. i wanted to bish him. anyway, it was really a sweet night on that night. i still cant forget how the guy went down on his knees. it was just like the sims game just tt he didnt turn afew rounds to change his clothes (if you get what i mean. lol)

work has been great so far. i love the people there, i aint the youngest there, 2nd youngest but i'm the smallest size and so, they dote on me alot. so everytime i want to do smth, they will get the guy to do it instead. i have trained muscles there. lols. cos even when they stop me, i wanna carry the crates of glasses down, it really isnt tt heavy lah, but it isnt tt light too! and i carried tables up and down during the set up for the function! i'm strong! lols.

the people are nice! the make me laugh, make me wanna go work. that's why even when school has started, i am working on the days i can work. i havent been to al dente for 3 days and i'm missing there already. i miss my managers, i miss the many many elicia! lols. have been there almost every single day for 3 weeks, maybe that's why.

so i'm working tmr evening but i'm not going to school. on mc for 2 days.
have been coughing for 3 weeks, and it got so bad last night. i just stood at the window grills, coughing for 5 minutes. i coughed till my head hurt, till my chest hurt. it didnt help that i had flu too. coughed myself to sleep.

woke up at 6 this morning for advance advert lecture, but i was late! kns. the bus was so slow lah! in the end, was alrdy late for class, more than 30 mins, jlo will scream at me! so slacked in the library, waiting for melly. had a 10am class, but was coughing so bad that i didnt feel like going, i would disrupt the lecture lah. and anyway mum said she's bringing me to the doctor. so headed to canteen with melly for lunch. headed home at 12 with brian. had lunch at northpoint.

went home, took a nap and woke up to see the doctor. was inside for a long time lah! no wonder my mum wants to bring me to this doctor. he is really a caring doctor. cos i've been having on and off coughs, he actually came out of his room when he had a patient in his consultation room to remind me to finsh my course of medicine. since when do you see this?

oh ya! i suddenly rmbered i went cycling with ah fy on sunday! heh. it was tiring yet fun! cos one of the bicycles was spolit. and each time the other bicycle went one round, the spolit one had to go 3 rounds! me and fy took turns to cycle the spolit one back to the store. it was really tiring and we looked like retards cycling the spoilt one! lols. took pictures, shall upload them next time, lazy now!

oh oh! we went bugis yesterday after school too! fy melly and me! we shopped abit eh! lols. got myself some tops and accessories! i got myself the white and gold watch i wanted at cheap cheap price! spent less than 50 bucks, got myself a pull over, 2 stripy tops, a watch and a belt! and i'm broke again now. pay is probably coming in on the 15th, it's gonna be fat! but most of it will go to my insurance, sighs. i wanna work more to earn more!

listening to jay's new songs now, quite nice. before this, was listening to let me die, a song i have been searching for ages. baoquan sent it to me, it's a special song, cos it was a song tt thomas sang in the past. havent heard it for more than half a year, or maybe more, but it sure sounds nice after not hearing it for so long. it put a smile on my face!

and monkey put a smile on my face too! i saw the tag that he left and i was really surprised! read thru it and i just smiled and laughed. even when he types, i can imagine the way he says it out, damn comical. that's why he is pt, that's why he is monkey. that's why he could make me so happy and put smiles on my face in the past. lols.

putting our past behind, and moving on, i have done so. i'm glad that we are friends still, and that we are still the same old us, crapping and telling each other about our lives, our point of views. and i'm glad that his life is good, he is almost there in his driving, he is still chirpy and forever thinking he is handsome, he is still saying lame jokes. he has matured quite abit i think. the way he talks to me, i see in it the way he talks to his friends when we were tgther, indeed it is comical. lols.

saying i dont think about our past at all, i'd be lying. you do know i'm emotional, but now, when i think about it, the heart doesnt ache that much. memories are sweet, that's why i love my memories. i love the love he has given selfishly and it's still kept in my heart. and i know, the girl he is chasing now, will be as happy as i was, and he is right. he is sweet when he is in love. he did so much sweet things for me lah! lols.

if you are the girl reading this, which probably wont be possible, you wouldnt be wrong to give him and yourself a chance. he may not be that perfect, but he is almost there. you will be happy with him :)

i wont ever forget how he ran in the rain all the way to my house, hugging me so tightly when he saw me, and how the tears flowed. something i watched in the korean drama that happened to me. lols. one of the most touching things ever :)

that aside, a close friend of mine, steven told me he realised he has fallen for me over the past month cos we have been seeing each other everyday at work. i feel mean for rejecting him, but i really dont want to hurt him cos i do not have tt special thing for him. i dont want to see him falling so deep and then, finding himself unable to get out. i really do appreciate the things he do for me, getting medicine for me when i was sick, getting eyedrops for me when my eyes were red, stealing the lava cakes for me when he knows i love them and many more. but now, the more he does these, the more i want to avoid. not that i find him irritating, but i just want to put a stop, i want him to treat me as a good friend like he did. but it seems impossible. no matter how clear i make it to him, he persists. he is determined. like my manager puts it, he is trying to win me using his sincerity. sighs.

can someone tell me how not to hurt him?
sometimes i wished he didnt tell me. then i wouldnt know a thing, isnt tt so? now the whole restaurant knows about it, he has made it official and damn obvious, like carrying my bag when we are leaving the place. and certain things he does, it really makes me feel irritated. yet i dont know how to tell him. sighs.

another amazing thing. his not very good friend told me the same thing on that same night that steven told me his feelings. i have never had such an experience. two on the same night, two whom i treat as good friends. and the worst is, after both of them knows of it, they havent been talking cos in the first place they werent on good terms. i feel i'm the cause of it. sighs.

jay's songs are making me feel emotional.
i'm off to call brother.

i dont know if i have gotten over, but i do know i was looking out for you the whole time when i was there. i aint sure of my feelings now, it's messed up, but if one day you change your mind, i'm still here. that is probably is the answer to where you stand in my heart. you arent what i want, but i do want you. isnt it werid? i havent heard nor seen you for weeks. i miss you, i do.

brianna
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