truth and lies. all just across a thin line. i thought i had my trust in you, until today. i rmbered everything you told me, and when she told me stuffs, it just strucked me, perhaps things arent that simple. else why would you want to go through that trouble to make people believe you? why would everyone have the same thinking if it wasnt true? was there really a need? and it's everyone! perhaps i have alot more to find out. but are you ready to tell me? am just so confused now. do i even trust you? i dont know the answer myself.
none of those felt like lies, cos everything felt so true from within. it was real wasnt it? i really pray i'm just thinking too much. but yet on the other hand, i just cant help thinking about it. it makes sense, yet it doesnt. i think i'm starting to doubt, and i'm sorry.
work was shit today. total mess. and i'm just feeling damn pissed even till now. i cant believe what that new comer said to me. i havent seen such fellow in my entire working experience in this line. fucked up.
i was so angry i cried. but it was so busy that i couldnt even give myself 5 minutes to cool down. it didnt help that a had a table of fussy customers, and to make things worst, the caller was the new manager who didnt know a shit about firing food and service. like hello? who would put a new comer to do caller when he doesnt even know what food that is.
just a screwed up day. terribly screwed up.
was on the cab home with ah boy and ashid. and lots of emotions just flowed in. too much happened today, heard too much. be it work or other issues, i was affected.
the pain was just too painful, too painful to even hide it. ah boy just asked me what i was thinking when i was looking out of the window. i couldnt even tell my feelings, cos i didnt know what i was feeling.
my heart was somehow empty. i couldnt forget what she said. i felt my heart pierce when i heard those, and it was the first time. even an outsider got suspicious. i asked myself, if am i just blind or are my ears too light? if things were really that way, i guess, i would have nothing much to say. sighs. i really dont knw what to do. tell me.
if it happened to you, what would you do?
confront? pretend?
al dente is no longer the same. the people i loved working with, supper-ing and cabbing back with are gone. what's left now are people who dont know how to work as a team, who just draw the line there as colleagues. i'm not discriminating them, but it's just that these are facts.
i miss johnny and herbert, madeline, wanhua, mandy, martin and viki. i wont forget the days we worked as a team, as one big family. where we spent christmas and new yr's eve working and celebrating after that. and there's john kung our manager.
we used to have regular suppers at 925, the walks to mrt station and the ride back. there was never once i had to go back alone, always the whole group of us, else at least 3 or 4, but then, it has happened now. i have started to go to work alone, head back alone.
the whole working experience there is different, and i dread it. i no longer want to work that much, i dont look forward to going to al dente. and even when i'm working, i'm not enjoying. the laughters, joys and fun at al dente just disappeared with them when they left.
feeling damn moody and emotional now.
i feel like crying.
but who's there?
suddenly, i miss my brother in tekong.
tell me what i heard isnt true.
