was feeling damn shitty and low afew hours ago, but am feeling better now, thanks to baby :)
first, i was scolded at work for some issues. i dont blame roy for saying those harsh words, but cant he understand my position? i'm just a regular part timer, not a part time supervisor or whatever. i cant ask people to do this and that just cos i've got more experience? what would they think of me? it's not as if it was an instruction from someone of a higher rank. and did any management people ask me to teach them anything in the first place?
i've got shits from this kind of experience. look at what happened to me? what were said behind my back? i dont want that happening again.
seriously speaking, ask yourself. did any management people train the new part timers in any way? what happened to that trainning that john kung gave to that group of part timers? if you didnt teach them anything, how can you expect anything from them at all?
they arent superwomen or supermen who can learn so much within a day. in fact, they dont even learn. all they can do is observe and follow?
i brought candy into this job after some consideration. it isnt easy working with friends you treasure cos there are bound to be conflicts in some way or another, definately causing unhappiness btw the two parties. and tts why i dont really ask my friends to work with me though we require part timers. but after reading her blog, i guess i made the wrong decision. she isnt happy at al dente at all, she doesnt like working there. and when i saw that post and what was written, i just felt the stab in my heart.
dont know why, but i just felt that way.
roy was just telling me about her during work. perhaps cos she's my friend, i feel uneasy telling her to do this and that. sighs. and i cant be there all the time to guide her. i see her not doing anything, and i want to tell her what to do, and then i'm slammed at my own series. i'm seriously trying my best to teach her stuffs, to make her feel at ease and at home, to make her at least have some passion for the job, but i think i'm just doing a terrible job. sighs.
after this was calmed down, had supper with roy, ah boy and yikun at makansutra and roy told me some stuffs. stuffs that left me moody and shitty. i just cannot imagine the days ahead.
not only that, i guess i was alittle affected with baby going for supper with his friend as well. didnt want to voice out any of these cos i dont want it to affect baby's life in any way, but then, he's right about sharing stuffs instead of keeping it to ourselves. so eventually, i still told him bits and parts of it.
not that i didnt trust him, or i'm unhappy he's out with her. whatever. cant describe that feeling. but i'm surprised i was actually affected by it, considering the fact i thought i was okay with it. and i even shouted at ah boy when he wanted to help me sweep the kitchen. and i just wondered how did baby feel when i'm always going out with suppers with ah boy.
if he isnt feeling moody or whatever, why am i feeling this way? lousy me.
and the chain of unhappy events didnt stop there. was talking to baby on the phone. there he was sounding so happy and chirpy, yet i was down and moody. when he told me his plans on friday, i just didnt feel like talking anymore. becos he asked me to work morning shift so that we can meet up in the evening after his driving, and then now, he has got plans himself. wasnt feeling angry, more of disappointment, prolly due to the fact i dont like people to go back on their words. but then thinking about it now, i think i'm a mad person. selfish and unreasonable. how could i allow myself to feel that way in the first place? boo to me.
was just telling zhen this afternoon that we need our own time and space for our own friends and activities, yet this happened. double boo to me.
but everything's fine now.
baby still managed to make me smile at the end of the day, and silly him thought i wanted to leave him. real silly. haha. but just when i wanted to talk to him, he's off to bed. and i'm missing him now.
baby, am sorry for what happened just now. but thank you for trying your best to dig out information from me though i was damn attitude. whatever happened, whatever feelings i had was cos you mattered too much to me. nothing else really. and cos, i'm missing you so terribly and just want to see you soon, and the thought of not being able to meet you that soon spoiled my mood. but then, it isnt fair for you like this isnt it? really sorry about it baby. i but dont let this incident affect your plans in the future okay? i dont want you to restrict yourself from this and that cos of me. i love you for who you are, so just be yourself okay? the smses you sent really made me feel alot better, and i really appreciate the way you tried to make things better. i'll learn to adapt to all these, and i love the way you call me baby! heh. love you tons! and before i end this, just want to tell you about the ship and dock story i told you the other time. becos of this story, dont be afriad i'm leaving. i wont make you swim. i believe you know what i'm talking about! <3
i love you, my baby boy :)
and i'm missing you at this very moment.
