It's 5am now, and i'm still sitting infront of my laptop typing this away. Lots of emotions within me at this very moment, after reading some blogs, and lots of things have happened from the last post i blogged. And more importantly, i'm blogging for a special someone :)

And so, i worked more than 15 hours today, almost 16 hours! It's the first time i'm working till closing at Holland Village! And these days, because Myo isnt around, i'm doing indoor caller and bar, i think i have learnt even more! I made my first Long Island Tea, and my second Margerita today! Haha. And i dont know why lah, just my first time working 2am and the crowd was super late. There were still customers coming in at 130am! Boo.

And i cut my finger with mahjong paper. How dumb. And the mahjong paper was irritating! It didnt cut on the finger itself, it cut underneath the nail, if you get what i mean. And it was quite a deep cut and blood kept oozing out! Boo. Disgusting sight. And i cut my thumb hours later. And again with mahjong paper! I dont know what's wrong lah, but my left hand is practically useless.

Even at this very moment, i'm not typing the usual way i do cos the finger is useless now. And the pain on my finger is still in existence. But despite my injured hand, work was rather pleasant!

Have been working since i returned from Genting, and the same goes for baby. We're like workaholics! We both worked full shift today! Next week is even more terrible. Though school has started, i'm still working everyday. And i clocked 52 hours for next week, super high hours. And baby isnt any better cos i think he has 40 plus hours too.

But i still dont get it. We work so much, but the pay is like so little. Sighs. I wished i can strike Toto and get some presents for those people i heart.

And this reminds me how sweet daddy was this morning :)
My mum told him i didnt have enough for my insurance, and he actually offered to transfer into my account. And before i left for work, he even asked me to take monies from him. And because i've been working since i came back, daddy told me to take a break from work today, and asked me to rest well. And last night, he came down to Holland Village to pick me up cause i had a huge bag!

My daddy is not rich, yet he gave me money for my Genting trip, helped me with my insurance. And doing all these for me means lesser income for him. He isnt left with much himself, having to deal with my sister's medical expenses is enough. What he did really touched me this morning, and i just couldnt help but share my happiness with baby :)

I told baby what happened, and told him in times like this, we know our family will always be with us, and help us in whatever way they can. And baby told me, he'll always be here for me too. And at that point, what he said sounded familar, cause i've heard it from chris before too.

And i told baby not to make such promises, because when things go wrong, when the r/s dont work out, the care and concern, the promises made will somehow, in a way or another go down the drain as well. And i rmbered sgf telling me that to know if they really care, or do they care for the sake of caring cause of the r/s, we will know when the r/s ends.


And i know, in most cases, it's cos of the r/s that they care. Even as friends, they'd want to help or listen to your unhappiness or happiness, shouldnt they? And not just cut off all contacts with you, being mean and unreasonable, knowing you need help yet refuse to help, and instead, being sarcastic with words and yaya papaya.

I was nice to chris and didnt chase him back for the money he borrowed. But when i really needed money and asked from him, the answers i got from him wasnt that appreciative. He's right that i lent him the money on my own accord when we were tgther, but shouldnt he too, take the initiative and return some? Not all, but just some. I had to borrow monies from friends to settle my debts and insurance, cant he just put himself in my shoes?

I wont forget the hurting words he said, the last conversation we had. The first time i tried asking, things turned nasty. But i thought it was because of this sensitive issue, but then i realised, perhaps he isnt even a friend anymore. Someone who treats you as a friend wouldnt treat you that way.

Having the money to spend on gfs, buy clothes and not even being thoughtful to return some of the money. How nice. And i come to realise, i'm slowly forgetting the memories we had, or his existence in what i call friends.

I'm leading my life well and perfect without him. I always thought he'd have a place in my heart, no matter what happens or who i'm with, but not anymore. Okay, i think i'm being too mean, so i will just stop here. Haha.

I really do want to blog about the Genting trip, but my eyes are closing very soon. Haha. I shall just list down some of the sweet and thoughtful things baby did and said :)

1. I wont forget how baby forced me to walk back to the hotel to use the toliet on our first day there, because he was worried i'd get lost using the public toliet at the shopping center. It sounds dumb, but baby was really worried for my safety, and i think that's super sweet!

2. Baby held my hands tight wherever we go, be it on the way to the shopping center, or after our meals. At every chance we can, he'd hold my hands. And each time when we had to part when we went to the toliets, he'd ask me to wait outside for him and not to get lost!

3. Baby was worried i'd be bored, and kept asking me if i was bored! And he entertained me with his lame and silly jokes!

4. Baby was patient and taught me to play pool again! I think i've improved :) And baby accompanied me to watch my mahjong movie! And we caught The Wild too! Super cute, and i love nigel so much! And when we went Macs for supper, baby bought me a nigel toy! I like how baby lets me do things my way! :)

5. I suddenly rmbered there was one occassion when baby stayed over at my place, and we got so bored and i had this sudden urge to play mahjong, and baby actually offered to play 2 persons mahjong with me! Super lame, but super sweet! :)

6. Back to Genting, baby accompanied to talk though he was tired on our way there because i was just missing the Esplanade people too much. Had so much thoughts and i just couldnt sleep! And we talked so much that night, about past present and future! And we talked all the way till we reached yong peng! I love the way baby listens to what i have to say, and how he trys to out talk me. Haha.

Baby has really done so much for me, lit up my life with so much colours. Though the weak part of me still lies, though i'm still afraid one day things would go wrong and we'd part, each time i see how confident baby is about us, i just cant help but smile, and tell myself, "yes we will make it as far as we can."

And everytime i tell baby about my fears and how i'm not that confident, he'd never fail to tell me things that will chase away these uncertainties.

Baby's always telling me "next time hor... next time i buy bike alrdy... next time i go NS..." And i'm just assured that in his future plans, there's me. It shows me something, something that i dont know how to describe in words, yet means alot to me :)

Like today, baby came down to Holland Village to wait for me to knock off from work because it was a last minute plan for me to work till closing. It was 4 hours of waiting. Though he had company of wenhan and gang, plus jane, it's the thought that counts :)

4 hours of waiting, when he has work at 10 in the morning, and we had supper with jason and jane after closing at 2.45am. I know baby well enough to say if that activity or person isnt worth it, he'd just stay home and sleep, cause he's like me! Sleep matters alot. Lol. Plus he hasnt had a good rest. So yea, i think my baby's one hell of sweetie :)

I know what some are thinking, "aiyah, last time you with the who and who also like that say, in the end leh, also like that." Yes, people make promises in r/s, cause you love that person, whatever he/she do, you'll find it sweet and meaningful, but i know this time, things are definately better than the last.

Contradicting as it may sound, i'm afraid one day, baby would get tired of me and this r/s just suddenly, cause it happened to me once, and then just walk away like how someone else did. I'm afraid one day, baby would find someone better than me, considering how many admirers he has and his looks. I'm afraid one day baby would mention the word i dread, and i wouldnt know what to do then.

These are my fears in this r/s.
But there are of course assurance given to me by baby. But sometimes i cant help but have these negative feelings. It's just me and my bad experiences.

But all in all, i think baby's one of the best i can ask for, and i'm glad our paths crossed :) I heart him tons!

Baby, i havent said this in some time! LVDU!
sui ran ni hai shi hen er mo, ou er hai hui gen er mo, wo hai shi hui xi huan ni de! ying wei mei you ni zhe ge da er mo, wo hui bu zi zai! ying wei you ni zhe ge er mo, wo gan shou dao ai he ni de zhao gu! ai ni er mo!

*my fingers are in so much pain now! =(

brianna
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