In everything we do, i guess confidence really matters.
And whether we want to have that confidence, does it depend on us, ourselves? Or is it simply, what we call, "in born with it"? And if we were to not posess that confidence needed, is that going to mean, a downfall?
This is what i've been thinking through the whole evening at work.
Suddenly, just suddenly at that point of time, i just realised that life isnt that simple. I wished i wasnt 20, i wished i was 16. Then i wouldnt have to think so much about future, or regret things which i should have done when i was 16. Perhaps to every beginning, it means another ending?
Whether it's r/s, work or what not, isnt it the same?
Vincent once told me whenever i let someone in, that someone can allow me to forget some unhappy past and bring me smiles for that moment, but doesnt that mean in the days ahead, whether it's months or years, perhaps it means another closing chapter, another chapter of heartache and agony? I wished r/s didnt have to end, then we wouldnt have to go thru that pain. Sometimes i even wonder what will happen to nicholas and i in the days ahead. Would we still be like glue, or would we have seperated? Argh.
And now at work, i see it happening too.
I guess sooner or later, i got to leave al dente. Not that i love working there so much, but it's more of the people there, the things i'm so attached to. Having to want to take a full time job, yet wanting to work part time there, i didnt realise that i might not have the energy to do so until brother reminded me. I dont wish to leave there and the people i heart there. Sighs.
And i guess, me getting a full time job, brother has been the one supporting me most. He was so
gan jiong about it, asking this and that, and on the night before i was due to start work, he even rmbered i was going to work and smsed me tons of encouragement, which really make me wonder,what have i done for him when he has done so much?
Thank you brother, for everything.
Your care and concern is something that shows me how much i matter.
You're one of the few people who cares so much to this extend.
And for this, thank you :)
I dont know.
It seems like i do not have that much of confidence in quite a number of things. Whether it's my relationship with nicholas, or the things that i'm doing it now, or things that i intend to do, something is just holding me back, and i guess, the word is confidence.
These things and people mean alot to me.
I need to get the confidence i need lah! Argh.
Sighs. I'm frustrated now.
I need a hug.
