Brianna's back to blog!
And it's gonna be a long post, cus it's gonna be a post on what happened over the last few days, and the journey i had with nicholas teo :)

To many who smsed or msned to ask what happened, if we broke up and what not, yeah, the relationship has ended. Tears have dropped, heart has ached, but that all happened over the last 3 days. The last 3 days were rather hard to pass though. I'm feeling a hell loads better now, so dont worry!

It gets lonely, especially when night falls and i rember all the things we do at night, like suppers and phone calls. I practically stayed indoor all the time, didnt want to go out and face anyone, just plain laziness. And i couldnt find the appetite to eat. Boo. I havent eaten much for 4 days, can practically count. Few sips of soup and two slices of bread my mum made yesterday over mahjong. I was in such low spirits that i even rejected mahjong games over and over again, just didnt feel like, cus it'd remind me of the times we mahjonged together. Like wth? Brianna's not playing mahjong. Hurhur.

This morning, the pain was exceptionally pain after seeing his msn nick, and especially after vicky and cher left my place, and i was finding someone to talk to. And guess what, sgf's sms came at 4am! :) We chatted for 2 whole hours on the phone before she had to head to bed, and i continued the phone call chat with ah boy for another 2 hours, before zx for 1/2 hr and brother for 5 mins! Haha. I felt so happy talking to them, cus i realised, i've never been this strong in any other of my past relationships :)

I never had the courage to let go within such a short span of time, but pt just said i handled it rather well. Haha. I rmber me as the one who's always looking for them after the breakup, hoping things would be fine and so on. Haha. But then, look now. I tried to mend things but i realised it no longer can be fixed, so instead of dragging it and making things worst, irritating people and worrying them, might as well, leave with your pride and diginity and keep the happy memories in our hearts? :)

Smsed wee too after all the calls, and he's such an ass. Forever being MEAN to me, and he scolded me today for no apparent reason. He shouted and smsed in CAPS. Ass. And he keeps calling me a pig and ass for no reason too. But it's still a joy talking to him, and i hope he gets well soon so that his company wont sack him! HAHA.

Though nicholas was probably the one i loved most, even more than pt, i found it was easier letting him go than pt. Maybe it was cus i was the one who suggested that we just end it there and there, and i finally found the courage to say those words which i had thoughts of saying before.

It was sudden, and i never expected it too. Many asked why so sudden? Werent we happy all along? Why like this? But then, many things have happened over the 10 months we were together, and the unhappy ones, i dont usually tell anyone, in fact i guess, only eric oh knew wad happened in the past. So it seemed to many that we were a happy couple and the break up was super sudden. Haha.

We were lah, but of cus there were constant fights and quarrels over the same issue, and this time, it ended cos of the same issue too. Initially i thought things would change, and things might become better. It did, but it came back again. When i really decided to let go, i just felt there was no point holding on, cus that's just the way it is. I dont want to be so silly anymore, believing and hoping for a miracle, making things difficult for him, and i'm sure we both will be happier this way, at least i know he's happy with his life right now :)

It's really happy knowing someone else is hapy isnt it?
Just like when your friend isnt, you dont feel happy too?
So yeah, since he's happy, i can really feel the happiness in my heart.

It still hurts at times though, like whenever i mention his name or think about certain stuffs. The pain just comes suddenly, like a knife peircing through your heart, but it's still bearable, and i think, it will leave soon eh. Afterall, i'm not that super to totally forget about the feelings within afew days!

If you think we are enemies now, we agreed to be good friends! We're still good friends! And i know we will be very good friends in time to come! :)

Here's one message for him, and i know he'll read it :)
You better do!

It's been a long ride, and definately an emotional one. The rollercoaster ride's over, but the experience and memories still stay on eh :)

Like wad you said, i'll also keep the overseas memories with me, and everything which i can rmber doing tgther with you, i'll keep it in my heart. I'm sure you'll still be on my mind most of the time, cus wherever i go, or things that people do and say, i feel you and i see you doing those things. Haha, i dont know why lah, but it's just the case.

For all that happened, i still believe what you told me 10 months back. It's fate. Fate allowed us to meet in such a way, and i guess it's god fate for us to end it this way too. Dont blame yourself eh, cus there's no right or wrong in a r/s. Maybe you went overboard, but i really dont blame you at all. And furthermore, you did put in effort and your feelings in it, but it just didnt work out. In fact, i felt you've done alot! But i still hope you will change for the next girl, should you have one kays. Like what i have always said, know where to draw the line, change your bad bad bad habits, and treasure her kays :)

We've always thought that we'd make it, and we told ourselves we would, but i guess, we both were just trying to convince ourselves, and at one point in time, we lied to ourselves, cus part of us knew that, we wouldnt work out eventually but yet, we wanted to try? But no regrets for the attempt though!

Nonetheless, thank you for all the happy memories, and for every little thing you've done for me, my sister or my family. From keeping me by your side these 10 months despite your feelings, for companying me here and there wherever i wanted to go, for eating pasta with me all the time, for the constant stayovers and suppers, or for doing all the silly things and expressions to make me smile, like the bear session at vivo which i wont ever forget? Haha, and the many many more you've done :)

For all these and more, thank you :)
It was still a memorable and happy relationship after all!
And most importantly, you brought many smiles onto my face!
I still heart you tons meanie!

Through this, i realised who were the ones i can really share my problems with, and one for sure, it's gonna be sgf! We have known each other for 2 years plus, through the weirdest way too! Haha, and when we met up that day, it was only our third meeting! And yet i could tell her the tinest details and my feelings from the bottom of my heart! She's no doubt my sgf, and i really thank her for being here. If i havent got her, i dont think i'd have made it :)

We took pictures! :)
But i shall post it up again laters! Haha.

So here's a special toast to her and i hope i can meet her up on saturday! Though i might be a lightbulb, i dont want to care and i know sgf doesnt mind! Haha.
We might be going pubbing cus she wants to go too, and i'd love to meet wangleehom again! :)

SGF! You're so so so important to me! Though it's only 3 pathetic meet ups over the 2 years friendship, i can tell you everything and it just shows how much you mean to me! Boohoohoo! But you're farrrrr away now! I so wanna tell you what happened tdy btw me and you-know-who, and i bet you must be missing me eh! Haha. Anyway, just wanna thank you okays! I shall treat you someday! And i know your secret! Heh.

It's also weird how so many people asked me to go clubbing!
I havent been clubbing at all before, i know it's sua gu lah, but it's the truth. Wilson was like saying he'd bring me one day and i'd get addicted like how gen is addicted now. Haha. I'm gonna receive a call later from him, which is very surprising cus i dont even talk to him over the phone! But yeah, he has things he wanna know from me! Haha. It's just weird, how we seldom contact and when we do, we have so much to share! That's what friends are eh?

So the matter has been resolved, and it's a load off my shoulders :)
I heart everyone of you who has been there for me!

With much love, brianna's gonna prepare and head out now, though it's raining and i dont wanna leave home. But for the sake of al dente peeps, and to make up for the loss of food over the last few days, i'm gonna make it!

To my josan: Cheer up girl! I made it and so can you! :) I'm sure he knows your intentions, and i'm sure you guys will be back soon kays. He has you in his heart and you knows he wants the best for you, so right now, he just wanna work hard for the future to give you the best! He said that didnt he? So dont cry, dont think so much and give him the support you've always given! I know it's easier said than done, like how you were consoling me that day, but i really feel it's gonna be alright soon :) Hugsforyou! And you know if you need someone to talk to, i'm always here. You can BUZZZZ me anytime :)

And to my dear mirror: It seems like smth is wrong, yet i'm not really sure. But then, i still hope things wouldnt turn up the way like the celebration you were saying. But then, you also got to be strong eh? Dont give up, unless your heart isnt there anymore, or it's too painful for you to take. I'm here always, one road across. I love you! :) Hugsssss.

Alright, i'm really late and i really got to run!
Till then, more updates!

brianna
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