I cried this morning at 3am.
I wont forget the feeling i had at that point of time.
I wont ever forget that feeling, cos i just blamed myself totally.
It was that of disappointment, and just total heartache.
I wasnt angry with anyone else, i didnt blame anyone else, except myself.

I couldnt imagine how she dealt with it, how she was feeling so damn shitty, yet i did nothing to help her feel any better. But i really admire her. For love, she was willing to do anything, sacrifcing herself, her dignity and pride. This is something i'm really touched about.

I'm sorry girl.
At that point of time when you needed someone, when you told me stuffs, i refused to believe. I refused to believe anyone. I should have been there for you, instead of leaving you alone. Nonetheless, i just want to let you know, you have a big heart, and perhaps, your thinkings have started to mature. I dont know if you are really happy with the way things are, but then, i really wish you happiness :)

And to let you know, i really dont have that special thing for him.
I am very certain of that now, after all that happened.
There's only you-know-who in my heart.
So whatever decisions you make, follow your heart :)
Should you guys be back together someday, i know you will be the happiest girl on earth, and that you guys would treasure one another even more!

Whatever it is, i am still here for you.
If you need to talk to someone, same old words, 24/7!
Enjoy your vday! :)


--
Had a damn tiring day today!
Met boss for breakfast with intentions for going to work morning shift after that. But we were too tired and went back to the office to sleep. Boo.

Took a cab down to chinatown in the morning. So freaking ex lah! My God!
It was almost 30 bucks lah! Just ERP charges alone was like 7 already, plus the peak surcharge blah blah. Boo.

Lots of smses and calls when i was sleeping lah!
So damn irritaed! I just want to sleep peacefully!

Hotcakes sms came when he was up :)
Was tired lah, but i still smiled when i saw his sms! Heh.
Cos it's him! Haha. And when his sms came, i just woke up!
Like i'd know he's gonna sms me, i dont know why.
By then, my phone had like lots of miss calls and smses. Boo.

But i couldnt be bothered and just looked at his sms only. HAHA.
He never fails to make me smile with whatever little thing he does!

And he came to chinatown to look for me after his interview! WOAH.
Surprising lah, and he only called me when he reached!
He wore a cap today! Haha.
And i think it's damn cute lah! He dont even look his age! Haha.

We went to have tang yuan!
I think i have a thing for tang yuan nowadays lah.
Keep wanting to eat tang yuan!
Was feeling damn tired lah, and we headed back to his place so i could rest.
And guess what?

We reached at around 630pm, and i fell asleep the moment my head touched the pillow, and i slept all the way till 10pm! And he was hungry yet didnt want to wake me up for dinner! Until at 10 then he woke me up! And he refused to let me lie for even a minute more! BOO.

I requested for 15, and he said no.
I requested for 5, and he said no.
And when i requested for 1, he said okay.
But he still didnt give me that pathetic 1 minute extra of sleep time! Haha.
I was telling him soccer have extra time, and my extra time is pathetic lah!

Boo. He drove me to josan's place, dropped the watches in her letterbox and zoomed to dinner! Met up with his 2 good friends. Their names made me laugh. One is called tommy, and the other is jerry. HAHA. Tom and jerry lah! :)

Chatted till 1am and i headed back!
HE was damn cute when we had to part lah.
I could tell from his eyes that he bu she de when i had to go in. Haha.

Waiting for him to be home now!
He went back to look for the guys!

So anyway.





To G: I hope you're feeling better. I know what you are feeling, but i do not wish to see the chirpy and always smiling person to be in this state. Cheer up soon yea, and i still feel you should let your feelings be known! You never know that she might be feeling the same as you do! Tomorrow will be a better day! :)

To Boss: What is needed to be said, i think i have alrdy said. I really wish that you can be happy, but i know you wont be, cos i cant be with you. But then, still i hope, someday someone will appear into your life, like how our paths crossed, and make you feel the love you have always wanted. I dont blame you for anything, i understand, really. So dont feel bad, dont feel guilty. Everyone makes mistakes, and what is more impt is that you do not make the same mistake again. Alanmanada and i are happy for you, that you took the 1st step. Just rmber that we are always here, and if you get rid of the bad habits, and be a whole new you, we'd both be really happy for you :)

And to hotcakes, boo.
I had an enjoyable day despite you always suan-ing me!
And sorry that i neglected you today. I was sleeping the whole time!
Was so dead tired and your bed is damn nice to sleep lah, and resulted in you being hungry and not being able to have dinner! So sorry lah! It was nice meeting your friends, hearing their stories, so dont worry that i feel left out. keeping quiet doesnt mean i am feeling bored. Having you beside me, the company, is enough already :)

Happy valentine's day! And i hope it wont bring back painful memories for you!
You really do not want to date your gay friend out!? HAHA.
You just left not long ago, 2 hours, but sitting infront of the screen and typing this, i somewhat find myself missing you.

brianna
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