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Walking down the lanes these 2 nights,
The familar lanes werent the same anymore.

Walking down the lanes somehow brought back memories again.
And just suddenly, i remembered how we lost our way back home then, though i confidently said i know how to walk since i've lived in this area my entire life, how you held onto my hands and said we'd find our way back no matter what, and even if we didnt, we've got each other, how we ended up at macdonalds eating instead, and how we finally reached home.

I remembered this particular incident and these days, the scene keeps popping up.

You were throwing everything on the bed onto the floor cos i refused to get up, and when it was just me left on the bed and i dared you to throw me too, you said you wouldnt have the heart to do so, and you just came over and gave me a big tight hug. Sounds so sweet and warm, but it's just history?

The feeling of closeness, the feeling that i know i can count on you, the feeling of calling you mine, the feeling of togetherness, the feeling which was once called ours, the routines and company i heart, the promises we made; these are no longer here.

Nothing is the same anymore.
The only similarity is that, we've both moved on; seperately.

Sometimes, i really hate you.
I dont wish for the love i once had, to turn into hatred.
But i cant stop having this feeling occasionally which no one has ever brought onto me.

I wished i could get you out of my life, out of my mind. And at times, i wished our paths never crossed, and these didnt happen.
If there werent "you," i know i would be very much happier.
It wouldnt bring so much pain and more pain onto me.
But then, i wouldnt have had those beautiful memories.

But i know deep down, i wouldnt exchange anything for the past, cos depsite the pain, it's all worth it in a way or so. I still smile whenever people ask me what happened, how things were. Telling them the story we once shared, it sure makes the heart ache at times, but it makes the heart smile all the time.

Contradicting as it sounds,
I wish i didnt have to mention you anymore ever again.
Because i think it's time i just stop hoping that someday you'd change or turn back, and to move on without you for real.