I was checking if pay is in and when i saw that it has been credited in my account, i was so damn happy. I was smiling non-stop, and it's that kind of happiness i havent felt in a long time. I feel damn money face, that this was the happiest thing that happened this month.

No doubt, i'm happy with the salary.
That's cos i've been working long hours, bearing with the insufficient sleep daily, dragging myself out of bed each day, there wasnt even any time for me to head to town to shop, or just walk down the streets. I think i earned it. And after working 6 years, this is the 1st time i received such a big and fat pay cheque. So kudos to myself.

But i wished it was people, wished it were incidents that were created by humans that made me happy, and not seeing pay that made me so happy. Sounds so much like a pathetic life. And i realised, i was hardly happy this month.

With people who mattered out of my life suddenly, to say i'm not the least affected, then i wouldnt be a cancerian. And friends attached suddenly go missing for months , with no efforts to meet up at all, only looking for you when they need companion, sometimes i really feel so what the hell. I'm tired of asking people out, tired of maintaining friendships.

I just cried half a litres of tears.
I was talking to someone and i just cried.
I'm thankful i cried, cos at least i know this someone still has a place in my heart.



from strangers to the closest in there, the heart to heart talks, the craps and outings, the company, to where and what we are now, it's depressing that the friendship has turned out this way. for the conversation i had with you today, thank you. we finally talked after so long. like you said, we may not be as close as before, but for clarifying things after so long, thank you. you still matter as a friend, and trust me, even without talking to you, you still do. you're not just a friend, or mr choong to me, you're more than that. i've told you before what you are to me, and it's still that way.



I really miss those two folks.
The two folks who made me laugh, smile, scream, kick and so much more.
The two folks whom i can really be who and what i want to be without worries.
No one really understand how it feels, to be in my shoes,
And tell me, who can i talk to?
Or what can i do to turn back time?

brianna
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